Sounds of Grief

The wailing went on for at least 2 hours. I knew something horrible had happened by the intensity and raw hurt in the sound coming from the woman next door. I wasn't sure what to do, so nothing was the option that I chose. The wailing finally petered out to just sobbing, then to nothing. Over the next 24 hours the sobbing would begin, then end, again and again.

The next day when we were outside under the mango tree talking to our dear friend Robert, the sounds of several people singing began next door. A peculiar look came over Robert's face. He speaks Acholi, the local language. Robert said the song was sung when someone died, and that he could tell that it was a child. The song was interspersed with the sobs of the mother next door. Robert said that when he had walked past the opening to the yard next door, he knew someone had died because the stalks of a banana tree had been placed on both sides of the opening to their compound.

Over the next few days, there was crying, singing, and talking from next door. Lest you think that we were eavesdropping, you need to understand that the people next door sleep inside but the rest of the day is spent outside in whatever shade they have from the trees in their compound. I've included a photo that I took right after we arrived; I thought the assortment of structures  and activities was fascinating. I especially appreciated the juxtaposition of the straw hut and small stucco house, tin shed (and a wooden house) next to our property which contains a large and permanent house.

The intermittent sounds of grief left me sad and wondering what I should do. I found out that, no different than at home in the US, it would be appropriate to pay a visit and take some basic staples such as oil, tea, and soap. So we bought the basic items, and included a non-essential item, sugar. Robert went next door with us to translate. The father and mother met us in the center of the compound, and explained that their three year old son had died of pneumonia while in the hospital. The grandmother joined us and pointed to a 4 foot high freshly-turned pile of soil and indicated that he was buried there. The mother didn't cry the entire time we visited. Our gifts were accepted, and Jeff added a very small amount of money. Other children from the family joined us in a line and introductions were made. The father told us how much he appreciated our visit. He also told Jeff that he enjoyed it that Jeff waved while passing by on his daily walk.

Over the next few weeks, sounds from our neighbor's yard returned to normal. I wonder if life had reached its new normal with a child missing from the family. I wonder if the young boy would have died had there been better health care. I try not to wonder if the mother still sobs.

So This is Christmas?

No, this is not a post about whether or not it might be difficult to be away from our family and friends during the holidays. You can probably figure that one out yourself. No pity party.
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Yes, this is a post about why I can walk around town and not tell that it will be Christmas tomorrow. No gaudy decorations (no classy ones, either.) No Christmas carols being gently piped outside so that when you walk around you'll be in the spirit to spend money. No unusual rushing, no children crying about what they want, no parents frantically trying to buy presents for family and friends.
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Several weeks ago on FaceBook there was a friendly battle about whether it was too early to decorate your home. So as I watched the comments on FaceBook and looked around Gulu, I kept thinking that it must be too early. Okay, it is still too early,  But here we are - Christmas is tomorrow. It must still be too early. The only sign in town that something is different is that there are more people on the streets. This is because villagers have just harvested their crops and have come into town for shopping and to celebrate. And live chickens are being sold on street corners for dinner on Christmas.

Still, I wait for Christmas to arrive.

I looked forward to church last Sunday. I love Christmas carols. But no; no carols were sung. It was explained to me that the celebration of Christ's birth happens on Christmas day. On that day, people wear the newest clothes that they have. Some even stay home, I've been told, because of their lack of a new dress or suit. I've been told that on Christmas the church services will be very special with Christmas music, dances, and skits. I'm looking forward to participating in this tomorrow, even though I don't have a new dress.

I haven't quite decided if I like the way things are done here with respect to the celebration of Christmas. I could conclude that this is a better way, focusing on the day that Jesus was born. That would be easy. "Yes, that is what Christmas is all about," I would say. Too easy.

Things are just different here with respect to Christmas, just like they are with just about everything else. That is just a fact. Not good, not bad. It is just the way it is.

Have a Merry Christmas wherever, whenever, and however you celebrate.

5 Tips Everyone Should Know

Here are some of the things I've learned so far which make me a better person. I hope they help you, too!

Our egg trays in their place on the counter.

1. Raw eggs won’t go bad for at least a week and a half in warm temperatures even if kept unrefrigerated on the counter 
2. Women do not whistle (even while they work)
3. Mosquito nets won’t work if you nap in the middle of the day unless you pull them down around the bed just like you do at nighttime.
4. Bats fly out from the attic of a house at dusk at a rate of about 1 per second for 45 seconds, and 
5. Never use a toothpick on a bumpy road!

A little bit of education can be a bad thing.

A little bit of education can be a bad thing.

We found out there is a large opportunity for support raising at the end of the year as people reflect upon finances and decide where to donate for tax deduction purposes. Since we are so new to this missionary thing, we decided to sign up for a course about end-of-the-year support raising.

Bad move on our part.

Granted, the course did have helpful templates to send to current and potential supporters. There were bible verses to use, with places to plug in names of our country and the names of our ministry. But they felt phoney. We know the best way to ask you to support us is to be genuine, tell our story in our own words, and to let you know up front that, yes, this post will end with a request for funding. Move on right now if you want, but we hope you will give us just a little of your time to tell you about what we have accomplished in Gulu since arriving a few months ago. We hope that you will see the importance of our work to individuals in Uganda and will choose to support us financially.

We found out that our home church, The Grove Community Church in Riverside, refers to our residence as “the Missionary House”. At first this was amusing to us; it is our home. But as things have evolved, the term makes more and more sense. The garage has been set up as a place for sewing and we call it “The Sewing Studio”. One of the rooms in the building behind our home has been converted into a “Fellowship and Fitness Centre” with gym equipment. Two rooms inside our home host visiting pastors (only one has a bed, the other has two sleeping pads that we would like to exchange for 2 twin size beds soon). Our living room has been used for a planning/study session by the leaders of Gulu Bible Community Church. Our dining table is always in use for computer lessons. Do you get the feeling that this house is truly not “ours” but “His?”

Our days are now filled with teaching ladies how to sew, doing outreach in outlying churches, hosting visiting pastors, encouraging church members and friends to exercise, doing computer trainings, and providing resume services to the community. We have settled into a nice ebb and flow of an “always busy but we never know just what the day will hold” mode. Our days are so unlike the ones that we left in Riverside - there we rarely entertained, and this house of sustained activity has been a huge adjustment. We also need to remind ourselves to say “no” or we might have ladies sewing from 5 am to 10 pm every day instead of 10 am to 5 pm; or men exercising through the night.

The major milestone we are looking forward to is an exhibition in the Marketplace in Gulu on December 28. It is an open air bazaar where tote bags made by our sewing ladies will be sold. Please pray that the sales are successful.

Pastors here rely on tithes and offerings to survive, just like in the US. Yvonne’s most touching moment was when one of the young pastors whose wife is learning to sew, confided that “she now has hope”.

We would like to share some information about our current financial situation. The Grove Community Church provides 15% of our monthly budget. Individual/family contributions total 43% of our monthly requirements. We contribute from our personal funds to make up the balance.

This is your opportunity to support a ministry that has eternal impact to the people we reach in our bible classes, and also provides hope to individuals through our sewing ministry.

To continue to support us on a monthly basis, we thank you for your kindness and generosity! No action is necessary on your part unless you would like to increase the amount that you contribute.

If you would like to join us as a new donor in making a difference to individuals in Uganda, please click here. Monthly donations help us plan for expenses. We are genuinely grateful for any amount you are able to contribute, either one time or on an ongoing monthly basis. Your gift is tax deductible.

Thank you for considering supporting us.

Yvonne and Jeff Weinstein

Here is a timeline and some photographs of activities over the months:

Mid-August: Arrive in Uganda. Begin to set up house with essentials such as kitchen supplies and bedding. Nighttime theft while we were asleep of all our valuables. Amazingly generous response by friends and church community of donations of cash to partially recover losses.

Early September: 3 treadle sewing machines purchased.

Mid September: Social event held at our home (aka “Missionary House”) Yvonne invites 10 ladies over to have tea, eat, and hear about the free sewing activities available to them and others in the community. Began meeting and researching with Gulu Bible Community Church leaders for Vision 2040 (Church planting in 10 African Nations). Our home (aka “Missionary House”) first used for lodging for visiting pastors.

End of September: Exercise equipment (barbells and dumbbells) purchased. Almost daily walks (2 miles) into town to build relationships with shopkeepers.

October: First of monthly visits for Men’s and Women’s programs (Bible and sewing) in Adjumani and Anaka. Hired local church member/tailor to teach ladies to use treadle machines. Began computer trainings. Outfitted room in the back building for use as a “Fellowship and Fitness” Centre. (Painted room, built weight bench, hung mirrors, painted inspirational texts on walls). Church members and pastors begin coming for exercise.

Mid October: First Quilt top finished. Yvonne invited to “Women of Virtue to show how to bake cakes and hand sew clutch purses.

November: First tote bag completed. Plans are made to sell tote bags at a local exhibition on December 20

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Turkey, and Typhoid, and Malaria (oh my!)

We knew that Thanksgiving would be different in Uganda since it is not observed as a special day. We just did not realize how different it would be. It is our favorite holiday because it is both a chance to gather with loved ones and to take extra time to remember all the things that we are thankful for. We knew we would not be having a turkey dinner. We knew we wouldn’t be seeing our family, but the texted picture of all three of our children together in one place made us smile! And we could still take extra time to reflect on and to thank God for our blessings.

In the morning I worked with two teenagers for a few hours on very basic computer skills, and was again reminded of the opportunities that we have because we were born in America that Ugandans don’t have. Yes, I am thankful for many things.

After the computer lessons, Jeff and I went into town for lunch at a cafe that specializes in American type food (we had Mexican food). It was an enjoyable time, both the change of food and in the time to slow down and enjoy each other’s company. After lunch I headed home on a boda (small motorcycle taxi) and Jeff stayed in town to complete some errands.         We have a couple of extra rooms in our house that are used by pastors from out of town when they come to Gulu for training. Patrick from Lira has been staying with us. He had been feeling a little “off” in the morning, so he went to the doctor for tests. It turns out that he has Typhoid. Typhoid. The day before, our housekeeper had greeted us with the news that the reason that she hasn’t been feeling well is that she has malaria. We sent her back home to rest and for more medical treatment.

Yes, we knew that Thanksgiving would be different this year. And it was.

Rachel, Jonathan, and Jacob.

A Quiet Whisper or a Magnificent Roar

Not wanting to dwell on it, I have pushed the unhappy theft episode to the back of my mind and have moved on in everyday activities. I no longer have tears trickle down my cheeks when I stop and consider what happened. In other words, I am fine.

In reality, it has had an impact on me. When I hear noises at night, I wonder if there is someone in the house. Barking dogs next door must mean that someone is about to climb into our yard. A phone call from Gabriel, our security guard just 100 feet from our house and stationed at the secured entryway, must mean that something dangerous is happening. And there are other more subtle things. But I never turn into a simpering helpless woman. My mind immediately turns to what I would do if we were actually in one of those situations. That is one positive that I derive from this situation.

I wrote the previous paragraph at least 3 times. Mostly because I can't believe that I wrote those things! Six weeks out and I am still having these feeling and thoughts. Surprising.

On the other hand, people are showing up to provide reassurance and love. They provide reassurance by reminding me that lightning doesn't strike twice. That we have a different guard than the one who is implicated and under investigation as instrumental in the break in. The new guard is a good man. New locks, new keys that no one else has copies of. Most importantly, every time I turn around, something happens that cancels my feelings of loss and insecurity of safety. Something that says "I care" or "You are loved." Sometimes it comes in a quiet whisper, other times a magnificent resounding roar. Some of the quieter times have been the messages that people have sent via Messenger, WhatsApp, FaceBook, and email. Coming unexpectedly, they sprinkle my days and nights with a simple hello and to ask how things are going. Nothing complicated but so very appreciated.  Other "I care" and "I love you" feelings have come in the shape of financial donations to help recover the cash and items that were stolen. Who are we that people would want to help us this way? And the anonymous donor that contributed $3000 to help get a new sound processor into my hands? Humbling.

The magnificent roar was the duffle bag which arrived last week. Michael Gillette, who took his time to come on a very long and uncomfortable 2 day trip to bring it to us, was a roar of caring. Table 7 of Women's Bible Study led by April Henson roared by sending every last thing that was on our wish list. Everything. Embarrassing! Had I known that they would send everything, I would not have asked for so much.

One thing that this experience has taught me is that we are undoubtedly cared about by people on both sides of the globe. God has placed people in our lives to show us we are loved and cared about. Thank you.

Visiting the Child We Sponsor

Meaningful?

Stephen and Yvonne 2012. Photo Credit Bob Adams

Sometimes I wonder if the things that Jeff and I have done over the years have made a meaningful difference in the world. Of course, we wouldn't continue to support these causes if we didn't think that they were doing good. Everyone has a limited amount of money; we want to be good stewards of the money we are entrusted with. 

One of our privileges has been to sponsor a child through World Vision, a relief, development, and advocacy non-governmental organization dedicated to working with children, family, and community to overcome poverty and injustice. We chose Opio Stephen to support back in 2008 when our church hosted a "Walk Through Africa” exhibit. After touring the exhibit, much of which dealt with the Aids epidemic and the issues with orphans as a result of the war in northern Uganda, there was an entire wall filled with photos of children to sponsor. We quickly decided upon Stephen. There was no compelling reason that we selected him out of all the other children, but we pulled his picture off the wall and signed up. And that was really the moment that our hearts began to soften toward Uganda and lead us on this journey which ultimately has us sitting in a house in Gulu where we plan to live for as long as God desires. Meaningful.

Almost 12 years have passed since the day that we selected Stephen. 

I’ve visited Uganda 7 times. The first time that I traveled to Uganda, one of the main motivations was to meet Stephen. 

On visitation day, after traveling by 4-wheel drive to reach the cluster of huts that included Stephen’s family home, I remember being greeted by a huge crowd of family members and villagers who were in awe of me. Just as I was in awe of them, There were speeches by the head of the village, Stephen's father, and then me. I had to remember to speak slowly for the translator, We then sat and "visited." How do you visit with someone so different than you? Different culture, Different language, Different age. I remember having questions ready to ask to keep things moving along. Questions that I thought were appropriate for a 6 year old boy. "What is your favorite color" is probably the most ridiculous. As if he even thought past where his next meal was coming from or whether someone had fetched enough water for his family to drink that day.

We exchanged gifts. School supplies, a picture Bible, a toothbrush, a t-shirt for Stephen. A soccer ball for him to share with his siblings. Tea, soap, cooking oil, and sugar for his mom. A shirt and socks for his dad. Wasn't I the surprised one when handed a live chicken as a gift! Held upside down by its feet, the chicken was offered proudly. It didn't dawn on me until later just how precious that gift was, that the chicken was a meal for the family. They had given up a meal for me! Meaningful.

Over the years we have had the honor of visiting Stephen and his family five  times. I have always brought gifts for him and his family. Once it was quilts I had made for them. Sometimes we were given a chicken, twice we were not. Those were the years that the family was having particular struggles with food. The last time that we went, we were able to present the family with a goat. Such wonder! Such happiness! I am so glad that the escort from World Vision encouraged us to give a goat to Stephen's family, and even found a local family from whom to purchase the goat. That family was so happy to have the money from selling a goat; such a win-win situation! Meaningful.

Two years have passed since we have been able to visit Stephen. He has grown into a tall young man, Studying to be a mechanic, one of our gifts to him was a tool box and tools. A look of delight crossed Stephen's face when he was presented with it. We had brought many gifts. And we were handed 2 plump roosters as a gift from Stephen and his father, a sign of prosperous times. His mother presented me with a container filled to overflowing with g-nuts. And we gave them another goat.

During each visit, Jeff and Stephen's father Martin sit next to each other, struggling to make conversation, translator between them. This year, Martin was anxious to talk to Jeff. After the ritualistic greetings from everyone, Martin stood up and held Jeff's hand. He explained just how important our support has been for his family over the years. He told the story of struggling to feed his family, and how our donations each month have helped. He told how the gift of one goat led to the ownership of three cows, giving them a very significant steady source of income and food. Cows are rented out to plow fields. And they produce milk. He explained how one goat became a cow. The goat reproduced and allowed them to sell the offspring; four goats equal one cow.

But the most touching part of all of our visits can be summed up in this picture. Stephen's father holding Jeff's hand, looking him straight in the eye and trying to explain what an impact we've been,

Yes. Meaningful.

Stephen's father, Martin, with Jeff. 2019

Yvonne and Stephen greeting each other, 2012. Photo Credit Bob Adams

Yvonne, Stephen, and Jeff. 2019I

Stephen's mom presenting Yvonne with a container overflowing
with g-nuts from the family farm, 2019

Stephen's mom and dad, Jeff and Yvonne, and Stephen. Note that Jeff is holding 2 roosters. 2019

Family members watch the visit. 2019

Driving down the pathway to Stephen's village. 2012. Photo Credit Bob Adams

The second visit in 2012. Photo Credit Bob Adams